If Organic Ant Killer Doesn't Do the Job, Your Kids Will

A few weeks ago a horrible thing happened. It was a hot Sunday afternoon, and I went to Costco. No, that wasn't the horrible thing, although a Sunday a Costco is pretty bad. When I got home and started putting the groceries away in the pantry, I noticed a bunch of little brown crumbs on one of the shelves. I went to wipe them out, and one of them crawled away.

And so I felt it in the pit of my belly, that same kind of dread that you feel when you accidentally hit the gas too hard and you run over a metal sign in the parking lot near the valet station, not like I know what that feels like: we had bugs.

Weevils. Lots of them. I mean LOTS OF THEM. I opened every box, bag, and jar and found the little evil things in most of them. I threw out so much food, it was shameful. My dad was here to witness my pathetic attempts to NOT dissolve in to a colossal meltdown. Boxes and bags and pots and pans and utensils had to be removed from their storage places and strewn about the house on one of the hottest mother effing days of the century. Despite the air conditioner, I sweated through it all.

Stewart was charged with the task of finding a chemical that would kill them dead without giving us cancer or lung disease. He went off to Target to buy some bug killer and some plastic sealable bins for the new food that would go back into the pantry. Hours later he returned with EcoSmart Organic Ant Killer. He proudly said "This is safe to use around the kids!" Okay, I know it didn't say Weevil Killer, but I was willing to trade specificity for non-toxicity.

I read the ingredient list, and it reads like a recipe for a nice cup of hot herbal tea. Rosemary oil. Cinnamon oil. Wintergreen oil. Etc. How bad could it be?

It is not bad at all. Stewart used the whole can in the pantry, which was overkill probably, but that's how he rolls. In the morning, the kitchen had to be wiped down, so I walked the kids down the street to Burger King for their very first fast-food breakfast, at which they proceeded to act like hellions and Kyle peed his pants. Awesome! If the bug poison doesn't get us, the children will.

Eventually we made it back home and the kitchen was clean and reassembled (in Stewart's words, "A leaner, meaner kitchen.) and there are no bugs. I dare them to come back. Okay, no I don't.

The only downside is that the entire house smells like Ben Gay now. I'll take that over the weevils, though.

EcoSmart and I are so delighted that we are giving you some. If you have troubles with ants or roaches, leave a comment here and tell me why a green product like this is important to you, and I will pick a winner by random after next Wednesday night (September 23, only one week before my birthday!) at 11:59. Your comment MUST INCLUDE SOMETHING ABOUT THE GREEN BUG KILLER and a clear path to your email if I don't already know you, to qualify. So comment away, crazy bug paranoid readers!

***Updated to add: PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU OR YOUR ENTRY WILL NOT QUALIFY. Thanks.